"The magic wand that dissolves problems is loving the
self.” ~ Louise Hay, You Can Heal Yourself
But one can do anything in a dream. My horse smelled
of a favorite scent and had beautifully curled eyelashes. She was freedom
personified. After the ride, I noticed that she was indeed unusual - she
had a Tiffany olive leaf pendant by Paloma Picasso and
a metis bag by Louis Vuitton. I had a good laugh - I had just
been checking those two items online.
Although no longer in dreamland, the memory of the joy
and freedom lingered. The streets of LA would not welcome me galloping on
a white horse, nor would I want to. So I started to create the reality of
the dream.
Last week, I started getting to work on a sports car.
She is not new but the detail guys did an excellent job. She is white and has
pretty eyes - headlights that flip up from the hood when turned on. The
interior looks and smells good - my favorite scent.
It felt great when I got the pink slip from DMV that she is
all mine. Who knows what will happen next - when the Universe finds a way
for the pendant and the bag to reach me.
“Well done!” I say.
“Love says I am everything. Wisdom says I am
nothing. Between the two, my life flows.” ~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj.
In my youth my tendency was all or nothing, black or white,
up or down – I had no middle ground. Why opt for gray when primaries are so
essential and contrasts so distinct?
To risk all - loving with fierce passion and total abandon.
To give all away - replete and not depleted. Was I idealistic or is it the
ideal? Was I driven by my higher self or by my reptilian brain?
Are matters ever really stable, reliable or solid? Ideas may
flow and flourish but reality can rub and be rough. Being human and living this
knowledge is how we realize our true nature – by learning from our life
experience.
Here is an example of my lesson in the truth and possibility
of everything and nothing:
I went on retreat for 30 days to attend the Mahakhumbamela in Allahabad. It was the opportunity of a lifetime since this only occurs once
every 144 years. I was immersed in my discipleship and, together with over 60
million other seekers from all over the world, we all congregated to live in
tent cities along the Ganges.
For the duration of the retreat, we ate home grown organic
veggies, meditated and chanted, had yoga and satsang sessions, explored the
mela grounds and surrounding sacred sights. We were in an idyllic bubble - in
touch with our true selves and insulated from the chaos of the carnival just
outside our gates.
When it ended I flew back home and was greeted with the news
that my child was expelled from school. I spent a week running amok – meeting
with school personnel and seeking counsel. In the end the decision was not up
to anyone but my child. Case or no case, she preferred to walk away and so we
did. We dropped everything, packed it in and took off - with no regrets.
What mattered more - my trip to India, loving who I was or
being there for my child? I believe if I had not had any of these experiences,
I may not have been as equipped to respect and honor my child’s desires.
In getting to know one another does it matter that we
believe in one god, none or many others? I would rather know what you long for and
are willing to do to attain it. What do you stand for and where do I stand with
you? This matters more to me.
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