Defining Happiness

“True happiness is never to be found outside the Self.” ~ P.Yogananda, How To Be Happy All The Time

I grew up angry. Most of my childhood photos show me scowling into the camera. Whether mad at the imposition or at the person taking my photo – I cannot say. What I do recall is being swept away by my rage. It did not seem to matter much what set it off or who it was directed at. It was all consuming.

You would think so much anger would drive out any capacity to be happy, yet I grew up laughing and crying easily. My heart did not harden against the world but remained open and pliable. I was passionate and fierce about my loves and hates. I was impatient and temperamental when in doubt or unclear.

But if asked what made me happy or where my happiness lay I most likely could not say. Rather, I would get adamant and defensive about a long list of what I was unhappy about. This was the roundabout route I took on the journey toward my happiness.

In art, the essence of a well composed piece centers on negative space - the defining space around a subject and not the subject itself. In understanding what I did not want, I too came to a clearer picture of what I do want.

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It was Thursday and just like the other days, I go to the telephone operator for the daily census.  Like clockwork, he announces, “Just one more day before Friday!” And I always smile and say, “Almost Friday!”  This day however is special because I will be in a station with a hundred people coming in sets of four to listen to my spiel.  I have done this over a hundred times in the past years.

I was excited as I set up the four chairs.  I want us to have meaningful conversation and talk at an eye-to-eye level.  My groups were all enthusiastic and there were a lot of questions.  I felt like an engine firing beautifully with everyone cruising along with me. 

At the end of the day, I was tired and sweaty.  We started at 7:00 a.m. at 68°F and 78 percent humidity. By the time we packed up after lunch it was 84°F and humidity was 46 percent. No air conditioning but I was happy.  Six hours of fun accomplished with the best that I could give. I didn't need a spiel and the exhibit board I prepared was not needed after all. All that was needed was to listen. As I dumped the exhibit board, I felt joyful and content.

In Dalai Lama’s words, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” I gave myself a pat in the back, “Well done!”